Posts in Saturday a.m. musings
What did you LOVE when you were little? Start there.

Burn the appointment books. Disappoint your dad (sorry Dad). Leave the job. Take the job. Move to the woods. Book the plane ticket. Go a summer without washing your hair. Go a lifetime without checking your bank balance. Trust the process. Find some friends. Laugh with them. Get curious about where you feel guilty in your life because it’s probably there that you should start the undoing. Guilt is all too often instilled by society’s version of what you “should” be doing.

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People will want you to fail

People will want you to fail. Maybe you will want people to fail. Subconsciously maybe, but then with more awareness you start to notice this little ego desire. If people don’t do good it makes us feel good, for a short while. It feeds the wolf of bitterness, jealousy, & ego. It confirms that we are in fact better for not trying because look at them - they tried and failed. 

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Working on it!

It starts with a friend coordinating a way to see each other. So many times in the past year that I've been talking about going to Manitoba. It's tough now, my family is in Saskatchewan and I don't get that way for work anymore, but so many people I love wrapped up in one province. So - we get planning and this happens. Clear Lake day retreat. Saturday, Sept. 9th. A chance for me to nidra so many of the people I looooove and an excuse to dance on the beach. Way more details to come, but this is the preliminary deets. Email hello@mywildheart.ca to reserve your spot.

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Five Years in the Okanagan

September 15th marks five years since the day I moved to Kelowna. 

I still remember that drive out. Crying in Manitoba to a few girlfriends, "Will I ever have girlfriends that are like family there?" Crying to family asking, "Am I crazy for moving out without knowing a soul?" Losing Kitty in the parking lot of the Travelodge, a foreshadowing of the actual losing Kitty to come when I got here. The day I drove up, the first person I met is someone who is still a best friend of mine now. I remember falling in love with fall around the Okanagan. The vibrant reds and oranges and yellows....the coziest pumpkin patches...the wine and the late fall hearty produce. It was all so foreign to me then. It feels like forever ago, yet I can remember it like yesterday.

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When you become the change

I practiced every single day we were gone but one
with four kids on me
or with grandpa and grandpa babysitting
it's not even something I ask for anymore
my body calls for it
it carves out time and space for it
without me trying
all of a sudden
there I am in the leaves
the dirt or the grass
opening my heart
breathing into my day

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Campground vs. Commune

The campground is a perfect example of a way that we live in harmony with others. Everyone has their own small plot of land. There are small structures that provide shelter, ample space around us to grow food, and we live close to nature. We use WAY less energy, cooking on fires and small propane BBQs. We use way less water, showering every three days and using only what we need to do dishes or (maybe) flush toilets. Everyone feels more in touch with themselves camping; we sleep better, breathe better, and take time to gaze at the stars.

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Let us build our lives around self-care, not build self-care into our lives.

Our society has lost touch with its beating pulsing heart. We have lost touch with the way the thunder in us shakes as we walk the earth knowing that we are fully alive for our own reasons, not others. Not for profit or fancy houses or cars.

We have lost touch with the way we feel when we sit under a waterfall laughing excitedly about life or when we sit atop a mountain letting tears roll from our eyes. We are forgetting that the very heartbeat of life is in our veins.

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Back to Stillness

In yoga nidra today, May 1st, I had a vision of my character - a silhouette of "Tamara" - sitting in a hut down by a river. It was like a painting, and the sky was full of red, pinks, orange and blue hues. It was in Sedona or something like that, red earth all around. Canyons, mountains in the distance, a turquoise stream trickling through.

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Life Choices: Trusting our Instinct

I had a marvellous conversation with a friend yesterday who challenged me to believe that rather than questioning decisions I had made in the past, to rather trust the inner knowing that came through. Like really trust the primal gut instinct that we have when we blurt something out without doing all the research or knowing why we choose it. I mean BIG decisions about BIG things in my past that I wasn't regretting, but perhaps thinking to myself that if I had known more, I may have chose a different option.

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Duality & Polarity

My whole adult life has drawn me further and further back to nature. Remembering the essence of who I am as my complete bliss self, this is done for me in the company of tall trees, huge mountains, and blue skies. I literally tear up at the beauty of the world when I'm walking through a forest. I see the chaos of a forest as sacred. I feel reflected in the eyes of the animals watching me. I feel seen, heard, and also completely free of any need to do or be anything other than what I am. I feel like I could dissolve into the essence of what's around me and exist in my most expansive state. I feel like I am breathing in all of what is. I feel connected to the rhythm of life. 

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Life as Effortless Effort

You'll often hear people say "It just fell right into my lap". I love this and it's usually an indication that something is right in our lives. It's simple, easy and aligned with what we're doing so of course it's right. There's usually some work of 'right action' to get there, because there's the ease of working towards it in small steps driven from the deepest place of our hearts, and then boom, it falls into our laps. How beautiful.

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Trust Life More

"It is a flawed assumption to think that when you are experiencing distress that you are out of alignment with the path you have designed for your own expansion. it is a mistake to believe that half of your human experiences are inherently flawed because you would prefer to feel expansive rather than contracted. It would serve you to realize that it is the pulsing of this duality paradigm that creates momentum.

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The Magic of this Human Life

In my training this winter, our coaches asked us to reach out to people whose work we wanted to devour and ask for guidance. I instantly thought of Oriah and thought, man that would be crazy if I could talk to her. Sure enough after finding her email on her website I reached out and luckily, had the chance to set up a meeting. Before the first chat, I realized that all the questions I had for her really had no value to me. Every answer I need is within me. I did a deep yoga nidra the morning I was to talk to her and thought, "All I want is to meditate with her."

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Today, I am lucky.

Today I am lucky.

My day started with a (almost) nervous breakdown. You see, my son is starting to walk. He's getting into everything he possibly can, pulling up in his crib all night wanting to party, and starting to understand just how much I am not always directly beside him.

As a momma who is living on my own with this babe, life just got suuuuuuper interesting.

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