32 on the 23rd
31 brought so many things.
It was a magical year watching my son grow into a funny and caring little human. Three hundred hours of Yoga training and my first regular mountain classes, the freedom flow series, a workshop on death and truly living, and a mountain wellness retreat. The beginning of My Wild Heart and writing my heart away night after night. My first publish on Thought Catalog and my first paid writing gig. I stepped into the job I've dreamt about since the day I heard John Wood speak. I have spent a summer meeting with every woman's organization in Kelowna, learning about how to bring light to dark spaces from those that do it daily. This year brought my own darkness too. Self awareness of my short fuse, my low patience. I separated from the papa and lived alone with an infant. There were many nights where I wearily moved my body out of bed like a robot to feed my son. It was always the multiple 3 am wake ups, the darkest of times. But with every morning there was new light and more and more to be thankful for. Through dark murky times, the papa and I were able to pull through and are living a harmonious co-parenting relationship that's better than anything I could've dreamed. I am not a single mom. I'm solo a lot, yes, but I'm parenting with another as we learn about ourselves. Yoga nidra helped me to create space between my true essence of light and love and all that has happened to or from me. So I began to share this gift through private sessions. I roamed a mountain for six months with my baby strapped to me and met multiple tribes of family and friends. The yoga family. The mountain moms. The empowered IWEN advocates. I spent time at home on the farm and camped with my family. My parents even spent time on the mountain! Such special times.
I feel like the luckiest woman alive. There are days where I don't see a distinction between myself and all that is. But of course, sometimes, with the biggest support system in the world, I still feel lonely.
We all do in this crazy world.
That's when I go to the trees.
That's when I fall to my knees.
This life is more beautiful and magical than I'll ever be able to express through writing, through yoga, through all that I am.
My 31st year was exactly what I needed.
You know, I've done many different things in this wee life. One thing I've never had a problem with is loving people. Purely loving the essence of every person on my path. And at times like this I realize that this isn't a coincidence. I need this forest of connection. We need this interconnectedness. The mountain moms, my yoga family, the sisters and brothers that I do and don't share blood with; these tribes of mine are bountiful and are all such an innate part of me. I have always been an extroverted introvert. I've loved being alone, even orchestrated dates and friends time in a way to get back to being alone again. I've set boundaries, doing everything I can so that I can retreat. Retreat from the overwhelming human connection and be back within myself. Why do you think I constantly move to cabins in the woods?
Only now am I finally opening up to the magic that is constant and continuous connection. I am the richest woman in the world when it comes to the one thing that truly matters to my spirit: the community in my life. I am overwhelmed every single day by the humans I get to call friends and family. I'm overwhelmed lately by the way they're showing up for me. The goodbye / birthday party on the mountain, my first studio nidra class, my workshops and retreats, my meet ups for IWEN, it is intense. The amount of community I feel is palpable. I've stopped questioning why and started seeing how I can connect others. How I can use the ties that bind to weave threads of connection and support so that as a whole, our fabric is stronger.
If you're reading this, I am overjoyed to know you.
Here I stand in more awe and wander at the world than ever before. I am constantly amazed by the synchronicity of life. Trusting the process fully and deeply.
- Going for my 32nd spin 😱 ✌️