Saying Goodbye

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saying goodbye
is not easy
not pleasant
not fun

there's so much build up
hello
and all the things in between
that make you fall in love with a person
that help you to understand your path
the moments of realization through
their voice
their guidance
their light

they say when the student is ready
the teacher appears
this truly happened
for me
someone to cut through the worthiness
as if it were ever a question
to shift perspective about our divine self
to help us notice
noticing
just notice it
this noticing
and to hold us in mountain
for minutes
hours
days
until my own mountain
came toppling down
down
down
down it came
without a hint of annoyance
instead
two giant tears
rolling down each cheek
a pure gratitude
a realization of this word "teacher"
and what that means
i will always remember
the silent demonstrations
the small movements
micro shifts
the kriya
and "what did you notice?"
the challenges
and the best encouragement I've ever had
my first facilitation
a 25 minute practice teach
after a brutal weekend
of learning self love
self confidence
self worth
three words
"it was beautiful"
she said
and the tears fell
i finally believed
i knew
i was beautiful

and so now
when the student is so ready for more
what happens to the teacher
instead of when the student is ready
the teacher appears
she disappears
so now what
what's next?

the thing is
a good teacher
teachers her students
that it's perfect
exactly as it is

I know the next part is coming
exactly as it should

so saying goodbye can be sad
it can be surrender
and it can be exactly what is supposed to happen
but it is not easy
not pleasant
not fun