Single Mom

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When we think of "single" mom
we think of someone working two dead end jobs
to make a living
not someone who just got the (two) back to back dream jobs of her life

we think of dead end husband
who cheated and left
not someone who is there every step of the way
infuriating or not
a partnership where forgiveness is served daily
harmonious coparenting the goal

we think of exhausted and weary right to the bone
and while okay, you got me on that one (exhaustion lives here)
when we think of someone who is merely surviving
not thriving
we think of "single mom"

i want to change the way people feel about these types of words
just simple words that they are
the shadows they cast are long
let's not judge the book or the cover

single mom can simply mean
a "mom"
who is "single"
and thriving in this life
not merely surviving
happier than could be each night
as she spends her time growing and evolving
not wondering how to help the partner in her life
i'm sorry
but we also need to change
this construct society has placed
that says because a woman is in a partnership
it makes her happier than another
when in reality these days
half the women are trying to figure out how to lift partners up
another chore to do
another mouth to feed
asking them to DO SOMETHING they aren't doing
hoping they can BE SOMEONE they aren't being
and I'm over here like
I....like cake

every night is an adventure
a chance to come home to myself
to write or to yoga
to drink wine or to sleep
to get to know the woman
who resides in this skin
there's no distraction
or mess
it's clean

clean isn't always good
I understand this
but trust me when I say
society makes us feel that those that are single are wrong
those that are in partnership are right
when in reality
many partnerships are two wrongs
and two wrongs don't make a right

what if we applauded single moms
for the courage to leave
to break away from the 'right' 
and instead do the 'right thing for me'
with the hope of two happy families
over one miserable one
let's change the way we think

rather than pity the single mom in your life
hold her in high regard
ask how she is and really listen
and then see her crown
for she's the queen of her world
there doesn't need to be a king
and perhaps she's happier than can be
thriving
not surviving

next time you hear "single mom"
try to lose the pity

I made this nidra for any single mamas (or papas) that have ever had to do a transition and say goodbye to their kidlets for the week/weekend. It can be excruciating to say bye to your little one. It can be full of fear or full of relief, sadness, guilt, and self care. This nidra is for all the emotions to be here, to be felt, and to be released. Click here >>