Finding Pure Presence
He sat with me, so quietly today. Coming up to sit beside me at the tree. His back touching it, just like mine. It lasted a brief moment, but such an intense one. He then played around me, while I laid back, asking questions of the trees. And he found his way to my lap. First to feed, then to sit with his back to me, little feet in my thighs. He just stopped, still, silent for a full three minutes. Anyone with children knows this is a lifetime for a 17 month old. And in those moments, I knew this, "So often, I am living in the future or the past. So often, I am thinking in moments with him, of how I would like him to grow, of what I would love him to be. Of what I am as a mother or of how I failed or triumphed. There is such a brief time that is just felt fully in the body. Of just being with him, in the human experience."
I stopped, closed my eyes, and said, "Notice." Notice how it feels to have his little feet playing in our lap. Notice how it sounds to have his little ragged breathing through the sniffles. Notice the silence. This moment. Notice without thinking about the poem you will write. Without analyzing it as a moment, but instead being IN IT. Notice.
And I did. And although I write about it now, it was the first time a poem didn't creep it's way into my head or a thought approached about how I might be noticing the moment. Today, for only one full minute, I felt presence. Pure presence, with my son who is not only my son, but who for this time period, is my guide and I his. It brought tears to my eyes and I understand presence on a different level today.
As always, 'twas the trees, to thank, for this one.