He's with them

I'm here
And he's with them

I am here to stand in my power
To learn with grace
The ancient teachings
That were squashed by colonialism

Oh just another thing
When goddesses were rising
Squashed
Stopped

But a few snuck though
Doing yoga in their basements
or for ten hours in their huts
Not really knowing it was yoga

Today's yoga is not that yoga
With bikram this and ashtanga that
You can't keep up with all of the ways to be a yogi

Alas
Yoga is the union of opposites
It is not handstands
Or backbends
Although those come in handy

Yoga is a fucking revolution
It's owning your shit
And healing yourself

It's breath
Prana
Life force

It's practice
Of conscious thought
And becoming responsible
for your own consciousness

It's polarity
It's posture
It's wanting to evolve
To ask what now?
And listen for the guide

Us mortal humans
The "householders"
We want to access transcendence
We can
But that's not the whole goal

The goal is going within
So first we stop looking out

Practise that
Awareness
In a little tiny box
Called a mat

Start to move the energy
Access the innate wisdom
That's much smarter than our minds
And then
Only then
You might be ready

To be the woman you need to be
To guide him

Him who is with them
My village
While I'm in here
He's out there

Laughing
Being fed by another
Changed by another
And loved by them all

I feel like my brain has come alive
In the form of people and teachers
And answers for all of the questions I've had

All of the energy I've felt
Is getting a container
The capacity to evolve
It's growing

But to do all this while breastfeeding a 5 month old? 
Gasp. 
It's hard.
I pump, and
I rush. 
I come, and
I go.

And then I feel my heart.

I stand in my truth.

What is right for me?
What takes care of the momma?
Evolves the mommas world?
Fills the mommas cup?

Because only then
Can the momma care
For my little boy

Only then
Can I lead him
Not teach him
But inspire him by example
By living my truth
And standing tall in that

So today
I'm here
And he's out there
And it's hard
So excruciatingly hard
But it's right
For me
To be here